I always wondered what I would do if I had no children. I am the type of person who loves children. I wanted to have a big family, but unfortunately it didn\’t work out. I only have one child whom I love more than anything. Later I got sick, so I can\’t have any more children. I tried many different methods, but unfortunately none of them worked. I also had two surgeries, but they still didn\’t work. I just have to accept that I can only have one child. I became more and more grateful to him for that. Unfortunately, I am still the type of person who keeps an eye on him and doesn\’t want to let him out at all. Of course, that limits my 12 year old son, but I can\’t help it. I\’ve also talked to a psychologist. He is also on medication, but I don\’t think it is helping.

I have tried talking to my son, but he won\’t even listen to me babysit anymore. Unfortunately, this crisis has taken a toll on my partner\’s life as well. My partner left me only because he could no longer tolerate all of the doubts I had about my son. You know, if you want more children and you only have one child, don\’t be surprised if you get very grumpy afterwards, feel sorry for everything, and want to control your only child as much as possible.

I think we are like grandfathers in that respect. More so than my parents. For example, my sister has four children, even though she never wanted a large family. She told me that birth control always fails. I don\’t know what, how, or where the truth lies, but honestly, I envy my sister for her large family. Their house must always be fun. Having kids can be tough, but I don\’t mind. I long for a big family, and sometimes I wonder if a miracle will happen and I\’ll get pregnant.